


an island on your own

by nellywrites



Category: Glee
Genre: 5x01 reaction, Character Study, Gen, Unrequited Love, reaction fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nellywrites/pseuds/nellywrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kinda-sorta-not-really reaction fic for 5x01. Sebastian goes home after the proposal.</p><p>Freewrite, aka I wrote it start to finish in one go and only read it once to check for typos, but otherwise unedited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	an island on your own

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in the same universe as my other fic "If You Ever Come Back", but it's not necesary to read it to understand this one. Find me on tumbr at: voices-echo.tumblr.com

“I know my place

Is here with you

Tonight

But not together”

- _Casanova_ , Roxy Music

 

Sebastian drives. Music on. Full blast. Bass thumps. Vibrates. It touches him. He wants to shut the world out. [Can’t muffle the noise anyway]. All the yeses. All the nos. Mostly the nos. The sun sinks into the horizon, taking with it any last vestige of warmth left. But, he reaches out, and cranks up the AC. It touches him, dries the sweat that remains. Full blast. His lips: dry, cracked, and still, he bites. Blood seeps. The cold air dries it, turns it into a scab, a souvenir. A lingering thing, like guilt. Or regret. _What if_ … Drive. Keep driving. Don’t stop. _Don’t stop, he says, and this one, this one is short with big eyes and pouty lips but his voice is too high and Sebastian, Sebastian kisses him just to shut him up._ Don’t think about it. Could you do it? Do you even want to? This wasn’t part of the plan, this wasn’t part of the plan, this wasn’t part of the plan. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about rings, don’t think about rock salt and red dye no.6, don’t think about secrets and second chances. Second chances? What a joke. If he could take it back... Take _what_ back?

  
Just drive.

 

||

 

He stops.

There is a car in the garage already, and he allows himself to feel it, shamelessly: relief. His father looks up in surprise at the sight of him willingly coming home on the weekend, and Sebastian, he lifts a corner of his lips and shrugs. He is resigned.

His father comes forward, throws arms around Sebastian’s shoulders, and holds tight. Sebastian allows it willingly, and closes his eyes. He holds on, forehead resting against his father’s collarbone, and if tries hard enough, he can still hear it, the whisper of a heartfelt thank you against his ear from the only boy he’d ever cared about impressing.

You okay, his dad says and Sebastian smiles, just like he always does, and says, yes, yeah, of course. He’s just tired, long past couple of days rehearsing and just wants to take a shower.

[Don’t ramble Sebastian, it’s telling]

  
Later, later even he sits naked on the bed in the room that holds all his possessions but feels uninviting, the fan drying the water that remains on his skin. He opens the drawer on the nightstand, rummages. He takes the tape in hand, asks himself:

_why?_

There was a time when Sebastian believed he’d need this one day, and perhaps that is not a lie, but Blaine, Blaine doesn’t need it. He digs into the drawer again until he finds a pair of scissors, and snip by deliberate snip, the tape is gone.

_Everything I touch turns to…_

His phone beeps from its place on top of the nightstand:

 

> “thanks again. it really did mean a lot to me. i hope we can talk again soon.’

And Sebastian laughs because he does not know what else to do.

 

||

He sinks into the couch, knees spread and shoulders slumped. He looks at the old family portrait on the mantle, his dad’s hand cradling his mother’s delicate waist, the playful smirk on his mother’s face, and his own disinterested expression. He doesn’t wonder any more why his father keeps it. He thinks he understands now.

When his dad drops next to him on the couch, Sebastian speaks:

“There is a boy, who made me feel differently, _makes_ me feel differently. But I fucked it up.”


End file.
